


Marriage and Breakups

by laislafionita



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: Angst, Custody Arrangements, Divorce, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Triangles, Marriage, Married Life, Multi, Separations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:53:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27990315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laislafionita/pseuds/laislafionita
Summary: Y/N is married to Rafael Barba and they have a 9yo son together. But things had been going south for a while. Until Y/N moved out, making her and Rafael share Eduardo’s custody...
Relationships: Lucia Barba & Rafael Barba, Olivia Benson/You, Rafael Barba & Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Rafael Barba & Reader, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Original Character(s), Rafael Barba/Original Female Character(s), Rafael Barba/Reader, Rafael Barba/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder : English isn't my native language.

The first night in your apartment was extremely hard. It never occurs to you this may end up like this. But here you are, alone on your couch, a glass of wine in one hand, playing with your wedding band in the other and the only noises you can hear are from New York streets. Your 9 years old son, Eduardo, is sleeping in his new - and kinda small - room. It’s a new life from him too. One day at his mother’s and the next at his father’s. Two rooms, two homes.

Officially, you and Rafael aren’t divorced yet. This word hasn’t even been told yet. But it sure looks like it. You’re just still wearing your wedding band and you’re still “Mrs Barba”. But you and your husband aren’t together anymore. You haven’t been for a while, even before you moved to Manhattan. Neither of you wanted to say so at the time. You tried to make it work, to find happiness again. But it was a lost cause. This isn’t working anymore. Maybe it was meant to be this way. 

After your third glass of white wine, you went to check on Edu. Unlike you thought, your boy wasn’t sleeping. When you bend over to kiss his forehead, he moves his head and his eyes meet yours. 

“Edu, it’s almost midnight, you really need to sleep,” you softly said.   
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” he asked.   
“We’ve already talked about this,” you sighed. Indeed, you talked about it almost all day long. Edu took this habit of sleeping with either you or his dad, months ago. Both you and Rafael felt guilty about putting him through a break up, you couldn’t refuse at first. Now, he doesn’t want to sleep alone anymore. No matter where it is. Actually, he doesn’t want to be away from you and/or his father. He refused to go at his grandmother’s recently. You can’t wait for Edu’s first session with his therapist, and that’s something you never thought you’d say. But this little guy needs help to go through his parents’ break up. So should his parents, but they are both too stubborn to admit it. 

Of course, you gave in and let Edu sleep with you that night. That’s probably the only thing that made you fall asleep, even if it was just two hours. You’re lucky to have him by your side. You felt lucky the moment the nurses put him in your arms. You can’t believe he’s already 9. As you watch him sleep, you remember him when he was a little baby, snuggling like a koala bear in your chest. The more he grows up, the more he looks like his father. Dark-haired, green-eyed, small, caring, intelligent, passionate and trustful. Edu is just a young version of Rafael.

Thinking of your son when he was a baby made you think about Rafael being a father to him. All those times you found them napping together, Rafael singing to him in spanish, the two of them playing together on the bedroom’s floor… you can’t say you are not in love with your husband anymore. You’re just very unhappy with the relationship and you and Rafael want different things. Having another child is one of them, for example. But Rafael has been honest about the fact he didn’t want another kid. He didn’t want one in the first place, but Edu came as a surprise. He never regretted it though. His son is the most beautiful thing that ever happened to him, alongside you. 

That night, Rafael came home to a very empty apartment. His stuff and most of Edu’s was still there but none of yours. You were gone. He realized this break up was now official and he felt his heart tighten and tears rolling down his face. He can’t believe he let you slide between his fingers. You, his wife, the mother of his child, the person he loves the most. But he knows he doesn’t make you happy anymore. He probably never made you happy but you were too kind and too in love to tell him or even realize it. He’s an old workaholic and cynical man. He’s seen so many horrible things in his job, they all ate him alive. They still do. He’s just trying to hide it, to put it aside. For his own sack, for yours and mostly for Edu’s. This little guy deserves the world, and he’s putting everything he has left into being a good father, he forgot to be a good husband. But he will never have the guts to tell you that. So he just let you go, thinking it will make you happier. 

Rafael barely undressed before pouring himself a glass of scotch. He sat on the couch, and stared into the air for a moment. Simple things hit him. You took the portrait of Edu and yourself from the day after his birth. That was his favorite picture ever. Why did you take it? He definitely has to get it back. You took this but not your “sofa blanket” as you call it. He sighed but couldn't help it and grabbed the blanket. He buried his nose in it, just to smell your scent. He silently cried into that blanket and held it close to him, until he fell asleep right there on the couch. 

On that Saturday night, three people cried themselves into sleep. Two of them are heart broken and the other is mostly lost and confused. But on Sunday morning, the three will put a smile on their face and pretend they are okay.


	2. Chapter I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adjustments...

“Edu, time for your homeworks,” you called out to your son, who was playing video games in the living room. Without any answer, you left the kitchen to go to him. “Baby, don’t make me repeat, please,” 

“In a minute, mami,” Edu complained, still looking at the screen. Exhausted and with no patience, you stood in front of the tv so your son had to look at you. 

“Playtime is over. Homework time is up. Go,” Edu sighed but he knows that look on you. It’s the look he knows he shouldn’t try to argue. He turned off the PS4 and went to his bedroom. You trust him enough to do his homeworks correctly.

You went back to the kitchen, finishing dinner, when you got a text from your husband… Ex-husband? You still don’t know, but you probably should change the name and picture on your phone though. “Mi amor” with a picture of the three of you, you and him kissing while Edu smiles at the camera isn’t the best idea for now. 

_ (From Rafael 5:49pm): Prevening to you! How are you and bud doing? Can I come over soon? Also, I’d like to get *my* portrait of you and Edu back. Don’t know why you took it… See ya. _

_ Love. _

The real reason you took this portrait? You wanted to know what reaction Rafael would have. A part of you was scared he wouldn’t notice. But it makes you smile that he’s asking for it. 

_ (To Rafael 5:51pm) : Prevening! We’re okay, Edu is doing his homework. If you can make it at 7, you can eat with us. And you can get the portrait back. If you can’t, don’t forget Edu’s appointment tomorrow at 3.  _

_ (From Rafael 5:52pm) : Will be there in an hour! _

“Papi’s coming tonight,” you told your son as you entered his room. Unlike you thought, he was on his bed, reading a comics book. “Edu! Don’t tell me you’re already done with homeworks!” 

“Was just some math. When is papi arriving?” 

You didn’t answer yet, just took a look at what he’s done. As usual, he just answered the question without explaining how he did it. Which is a problem his teacher keeps telling you about. “You have a whole explanation to do, baby. You can’t just write the answer, you know it.”

“But the answer is correct,” Edu simply said, still looking at his book. 

“Probably, but that’s not the point. We’ve been over this multiple times, just do it, please?” 

“I don’t want to. It’s stupid,” 

You sighed again and walked to your son. You took his book from his hands and he whined. “You’ll get it back once you’re  _ completely _ done. Preferably before Papi gets here,” 

It was Edu’s turn to sigh, but he went to his desk and tried to focus on his math. You went back to the kitchen with his book and continued to cook. 

Half an hour later, Edu was done with his math and you were okay with what he’s done. He went showering and your phone buzzed. 

_ (From Rafael 6:41pm) : Is 9:30 okay? Please? _

Of course, you’re not surprised by that text. That’s one of the many things that made you breakup. Late nights, cancel dates, missing events. You know Rafael is devoted to his job and that’s something you admire about him, but sometimes, you wished he would have put you - and Edu - first. You’re still waiting for this to happen. Obviously you’re still in love with your husband, the father of your child, your first real love, and you hope this situation is just temporary. You hope Rafael will realize what he’s losing. His little family. 

_(To Rafael 6:45pm) : I guess._

When Eduardo got out of the bathroom, he wasn’t in his pj but completely dressed. You looked at him, confused. “Do you have a party I don’t know about?” you asked with half a smile. 

“I’m sleeping at Papi’s,” 

“Since you told me he was coming. I wanna be with him,” 

“I get that. But you could've warned us sooner? I’m not sure papi can drop you off at school tomorrow morning,” 

“I can walk by myself,”

“Nope,” 

“Mami, school is just two blocks away from papi’s. My friends go to school by themselves,” 

“We’ll talk about it with him. Help me preparing the table,” 

Instead of 9:30, Rafael arrived at 9:45, apologizing for five minutes straight about being late. Edu jumped into his father’s arms as if he hadn’t seen him for weeks, while it was just three days ago. The idea of taking your son away from his dad is what made you postpone this decision over and over again, until you really couldn’t take it anymore. It was either that or a complete breakdown and definitive breakup. But that’s not what you want. 

After your son finally let go of his dad, Rafael hugged you softly and kissed you on the cheek, struggling with his wants and needs to kiss you deeply on the mouth. He misses your kisses so much. He misses you and his son like hell, but he can’t tell you that. That’s probably for the best. 

“You made this place really cozy in a short time,” he told you, looking at your apartment. “Do you enjoy it here?” he asked Eduardo. 

“Of course not. I want us to move back with you,” 

Your tears didn’t need more to come up. You went to the kitchen to cry without your son seeing it. Rafael wanted to follow and comfort you, but he chose to stay with his son to talk with him. He sat on the couch and made Edu sit with him. Rafael put his arms around his son’s shoulders. 

“It’s hard for the three of us, carino. But you know that’s better this way,” 

“I know what a divorce is. I don’t want you and mami to divorce,” 

“It’s not about divorce for now. Mami and I need time away from each other,”

“Why? Don’t you guys love each other anymore?”

“Of course we do. But it’s not that simple,” 

“Love sucks,”

Indeed sometimes, love does suck. But Rafael can’t say that to his son. Because love is also the most beautiful thing ever. Especially  _ yours _ . 

“I’m gonna check on mami. Why don’t you choose one of her cd’s to listen to,” Edu nodded and went to pick one cd in your collections. Rafael went to the kitchen to check on you. You were drying your tears and looked at him with sad and tired eyes. He didn’t say anything, just walked to you and put his arms around your neck. “It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered before kissing your hair. 

“I hate doing that to him,” you cried again in his neck. “And to you. To us,” 

“I understand why you did it. Edu will need time to adjust, but we will make it work,” 

You nodded and took a big inspiration from his scent. You miss it. You miss him. But you miss the “old him”, the one you fell in love with. Not the one he is now. He lost something on the way, and it makes everyone unhappy. While you were still holding each other, you heard “One more fucking time” from Motörhead, playing in the living room. 

“I hate those music tastes you gave him,” Rafael chuckled and so did you.

“That’s my boy!” 

Rafael wiped your last tears with his thumbs, you both smiled and walked to the living room. Edu was waiting for you at the dining table, and you started to eat. The three of you talked about random things during dinner, avoiding the current situation. You could feel Rafael’s loving gaze on you, multiple times. You tried not to melt into his looks. It could be so easy for him to win you back. But somehow, he’s giving you the time and space you need. Which is something you don’t really understand. Maybe he wanted that breakup too? But he didn’t have the guts to tell you so? 

“Bud, why are you still dressed? Didn’t you take your shower yet?” Rafael asked after dinner.

“I did. But I’m coming home with you tonight,” 

Rafael didn’t say anything at first, he just looked at you. You raised your shoulders, not knowing what to say. Edu did take you by surprise earlier. 

“It’s almost 9 already, bedtime is coming up. How about you come tomorrow instead?” Rafael offered to his son. 

“No! I want to come tonight. You two said I could go to either places whenever I want!” It was the first time ever you and Rafael heard your son raising his voice. You both looked at each other, very confused and shocked too. 

“Alright, come to your room for a bit. Calm yourself down and let Mami and I talk,” Rafael said, softly. 

You sat on the couch, your face in your hands, “I can’t wait for his appointment tomorrow,” you said. 

“I’m gonna take him home with me tonight and we’ll try to talk a bit. Alright?” Rafael asked.

“I guess,” you sadly smiled at him. “I’m scared he’s going to hate me,” 

“That will never happen. Not under my watch. No matter what happens between you and me,” 

“You mean, even if we get divorced?” 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it,”

“Have you?” you stood up, looking intensely at your husband.

“You broke up with me. You moved out with our son. We’ve been very unhappy for years now, of course it came to my mind. That doesn’t mean I want to,” 

“Well if you don’t, you shouldn’t act like it,” you said, angrily. “I’m gonna tell Edu he can come with you,” 

When you walked past him, Rafael tried to softly catch your hands but you kept going. Eduardo jumped from his bed, “Can I get my book back?” he just asked. You nodded and shortly after that, Edu kissed you goodbye, Rafael kissed your temple and they were both gone. Your first night by yourself at your new apartment. Half an hour later, you couldn’t stand it and texted your best friend Kat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this, Kat hasn't started with SVU yet.  
> Hope you guys enjoy it <3 
> 
> Also, if you got the "Prevening" thing, i love you :')


	3. Chapter II

When Kat arrived an hour later, you just cried in her arms for several minutes. She didn’t say anything, just holding and smoothing you until you calmed down. “Wine?” She asked. You nodded and Kat made her way to the kitchen, looking for a bottle of white wine. Then, she joined you on the couch. 

“That bad, uh?” She asked. 

“Edu is not okay. He’s changing. And I can’t deal with my marriage falling apart,” 

“Of course Edu is struggling. His life is changing, his parents aren’t together anymore, that’s not easy. How is it going with Rafael?” 

“Complicated. Sometimes I feel like it could work again but then something comes up, and I remember why I broke up,” 

“Do you still love him?” 

“The old him, yeah. But he changed so much, I don’t see the man I fell in love with,” 

“What changed?” 

“He is not—my husband anymore. He doesn’t try. He doesn’t show me his love like he used to. I can’t remember the last time we went on a date, or even had sex. It’s been  _ so _ long, Kat. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore, that he doesn’t have any desire for me,” 

“That sucks. I remember the crazy things you guys used to do. How long has it been since you felt the first changes?” 

“When I learned he flirted with one intern in Brooklyn,” 

“Wait, what? You never told me that!” Kat’s ton changed. You heard some anger in her voice, which is exactly why you never told her. 

“It hurt me so bad. I knew you would confront him about it and I didn’t want that. That’s why I asked him to move and there was this position in Manhattan. But I lost some trust in him,” 

“The hell you did! I can’t believe he did that. Was it just flirting?” 

“Yeah. I caught it before it could go any further,” 

“I will definitely talked—“

“No, Kat! Please, don’t do that. He won’t take it very well,” 

“But still! I’m so shocked. Do you know who’s that bitch?” 

“I saw her once. I slapped her, actually. But I don’t think Rafi knows,” you paused, “She was beautiful,” you said with tears in your eyes. 

“Do  _ not _ underestimate you because of her, Y/N!” 

You stayed silent for a moment, before crying again. “I don’t want my marriage to be over,” you said between tears. Kat took you in her arms again. 

“Sometimes, it’s inevitable. It doesn’t mean your life is over, or that you’re a bad person or a bad mum,” 

**At Rafael’s apartment.**

As soon as they got home, Edu changed into his PJs, while Rafael hung the portrait back where it was. “Do you still love Mami?” Edu asked his father. 

“Of course I do, cariño. You and mami are everything to me,” 

“Why did she leave you then?” 

“Because—sometimes that’s not enough. The fact that I love Mami doesn’t necessarily make me a good husband,” 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Rafael looked at his son with wide eyes. That’s a question he never thought Edu would ask. 

“No! Absolutely not. Is it what Mami thinks?” Rafael stood right in front of his son, crouching to be at his eye level. 

“I don’t know. It’s just that my friend Ana, her parents divorced because her dad had a girlfriend. She doesn’t see her dad anymore,” 

“Mijo, look—whatever happens between Mami and I, none of us is giving up on you. We will  _ always _ love you, you’re our little prince, you know what? That will never change. Not for me, not for Mami. I promise,” 

“I want things to be like before,” Edu said, hugging his father. Rafael tried to hold back his tears as his son was holding him tight. 

“Me too, baby,” Rafael whispered. 

Rafael offered Edu to watch a movie in bed, and that they sleep together. Of course Edu didn’t want it any other way. 

Rafael didn’t sleep much that night, and neither did you. After a long talk with Kat, she took you out to a club. You drank more than you should have and you didn’t remember much the next morning. Going to work with a hangover is the worst, especially when you’re a teacher. You didn’t have much patience that day and the kids were very demanding. You’re a teacher for disabled kids, and you never imagined doing anything else since you’re 17. 

Edu had his first therapy session. Around 2pm, you left your students with another teacher and went to get your son at his school. Rafael is supposed to meet you directly at the therapist’s office. When your son saw you, he hugged you tight and it warmed your heart. “Hey baby! How was last night with papi?” 

“Good. We watched the Avengers and I fell asleep,” 

“With him, I guess?” Edu nodded. 

Five minutes before the appointment, Rafael wasn’t there yet. You told Edu to wait in the waiting room while you called your husband. Straight to voicemail. You tried again but it didn’t change the result. You sighed and went back to your son, until the therapist took him in her office. You nervously waited. 

After 45 minutes, Rafael arrived, out of breath. “I’m so sorry!” Is the first thing he said. He sat next to you. “Is he still in?” 

“Yes. What happened, Rafael?” You whispered but you sounded angry. 

“Got stuck in court, I’m sorry!” He saw your legs moving. He could sense you were very nervous. Without thinking too much about it, Rafael went to put his hand on yours, “don’t,” you said when you felt his skin brushing yours.

“Sorry,” he moved his hand away. “What did you do last night?” He asked. 

“Spent the night with Kat. We went out,” 

“Oh. Where? Did you have a good time?” 

“I guess—I don’t remember much,” 

“Wonderful,” he mumbled. 

“I heard that. I’m allowed to have fun with my friend, aren’t I?” 

“Of course, Y/N. But is getting drunk going to help?”

“At least I slept,” 

“Alone?” It slipped out of his tongue before he could think about it and he regretted it instantly. Rafael heard you sigh but not answer. He wished you had said something though. It stayed silent until the therapist and Edu came back. 

“You play a little while I talk with your parents, Eduardo, okay?” The therapist told your son. He agreed, smiled at the both of you and went to play. You entered the office with Rafael and sat at the desk, still very nervous. 

“Is Edu okay?” You asked before the therapist could say anything. She smiled warmly at you. 

“Yes. He’s just very worried,” 

“About?” Rafael asked. 

“The two of you. Kids are like sponges, you try to hide how you feel and Eduardo can feel it. He knows you two are sad about the situation. And as any kid, he doesn’t want his parents to break up. Your son is very smart, and he thinks about the consequences. He’s scared you guys will fight for his custody, or that one of you will meet someone else and forget about him,” 

“That’s absolutely not where we are,” you told the therapist. 

“But, no matter your current situation, it’s a possibility. And Eduardo thinks a lot about it. And there’s something else but he’s the one that has to tell you about it. Nothing to worry about, it’s actually very normal but he’s struggling with it,”

You looked at Rafael, asking with your looks if he knows what the therapist is talking about. But he shook his head no. 

“I’m going to call him, see if he wants to tell you now,” 

She left and came back a minute later with your son. He sat on your lap, you kissed one of his cheeks and Rafael caressed the other. “Do you want to tell your parents what you told me? About you-know-who,” the therapist smiled at your son. He smiled but you felt he was a little embarrassed. “If you are not ready, that’s okay. But mum and dad don’t have to worry about it, right?” 

“No! It’s not bad,” Edu said. 

“Whatever it is, you can tell us, cariño. Never feel embarrassed with us, you know that?” Rafael told Edu, trying to reassure him about his secret. 

“I know, but it’s not the time,” 

Obviously, Eduardo is closed about it for now. The therapist told you again that he needs some time, adjustment and reassurance. She knows love isn’t an issue in your family. Perhaps too much love though. She gave another appointment for Edu in two weeks and the three of you left the office.

“Can we do something together?” Your son asked when you were in the streets. 

“I’m sorry mijo, I have to go back to work,” Rafael told him. 

“Okay,” he sadly answered. 

“But we can do something this weekend, if Mami’s okay,” they both turned to look at you. A part of you want it, but the other don’t. You need some time away from Rafael. Doing things as a family isn’t helping. 

“We’ll see,” you smiled. 

Rafael was about to say goodbye to you and Edu when his phone rang. He looked at it and took a few steps away, you only heard him say, “Yes Liv?”. You know Liv is his coworker and apparently friend now but you never met her. Considering nobody in his professional life knows about you and your son, you never met anyone - except for the girl he flirted with. It was an agreement you had when it became serious between you two. As an ADA, Rafael receives a lot of threats, and he never wanted to put you or Eduardo in danger. Since people don't know you exist, it can never happen. You didn’t  have any issue with that before the flirting happened. Now, you wish he would change that but he doesn’t want to. Rafael doesn’t want to mix his job and his personal life. His job has taken too much place in his head, it’s destroying his marriage. 

“Movie theater?” You offered to Edu and he nodded. 

“Is there a Marvel?” 

“No idea. We’ll see,” you smiled and hugged him a little until Rafael came back to you. 

“I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow mijo, okay?” 

Your husband hugged his son for a moment, “Te amo,” he told him. 

“Te amo tambien, papi,” 

Rafael looked at you, not knowing what to do. He kissed you quickly on the cheek and left, waving at Edu. 


	4. Chapter 4

That weekend, you didn’t spend time with both your son and your husband. On Saturday, Rafael took Edu to see his abuela. He offered you to join, but you didn’t think it was a good idea. So you spent the night with Kat, and went back to the club again. That time, you didn’t drink as much. “I’m glad you came back, beautiful,” a man told you. You looked at him, confused and looked at Kat for answers. 

“Kyle, right?” Kat said. 

“Yes. Don’t you remember me?” the man asked you. 

“Sorry. Had too many drinks,” 

“Maybe we can catch things where we left them, then?” he offered. You didn’t say anything, just hold up your hand, showing your wedding ring. “I know, but you’re going through a divorce,” he smiled.

“Did I tell you that?” 

“You really had a blackout. Let’s start again,” Kyle left on that sentence and turned to Kat.

“What the hell happened, Kat? Did you let me do--something with him?” 

“You just danced with him. And you were smiling. You may still be married but you broke up with Rafael and he kinda deserves it,” 

You sighed but didn’t have time to answer, the waiter came up to your table with drinks, “Those are from the guy at the bar,” he said, pointing at Kyle. You had a quick flash from the last time. That man could totally be your type, but that’s absolutely not you’re looking for. You’re still in love with Rafael, no matter how your relationship is going. Before the waiter left, you told him to thank Kyle but you’re refusing the drinks. “Can we go?” you asked Kat. She agreed and the night out stopped there. She stayed with you at your apartment until she had to leave for an emergency. You spent the rest of the night going through almost 15 years of memories. You looked at pictures, videos, notes, letters, gifts. Can this be over? 

On Sunday, Rafael was supposed to drop Edu around lunch, but you had a text around 10am. 

(From Rafael 9:56am) : Hey! How are you? How was your night? Can Edu stay with me today? We have something planned. 

(To Rafael 9:58am) : Yeah, ok. If he’s staying with you tonight, lemme know soon enough.

(From Rafael 10:01am) : Why? Have something planned?

(To Rafael 10:02am) : Have a nice sunday, Rafael. Tell Edu I love him.

“Carino, what do you think about going out for lunch with a friend of mine and her son?” Rafael asked his son, behind the bathroom door.

“A friend?” 

“Yes, a friend. A coworker, if you like,” 

Edu came out of the bathroom, dress in dark jeans, a purple shirt and suspenders. His father feels proud about his fashion sense. “You never introduced coworkers before,” Eduardo said, intrigued about the sudden offer.

“I needed someone to talk about what’s going on, and I trust Olivia to keep it low. So I told her and we think it would be nice if you meet her son, Noah,”

“Is he my age?” 

“3 years younger, but—“ 

“Papi,” Edu sighed. He didn’t want to spend the day with a child younger than him. And he doesn’t want to meet that friend of his father. 

“Fine. What do you want?” 

“Going out for lunch with you and Mami, just like we used,” 

Rafael let him know that he wasn’t sure you’d agree. Edu asked to call you, instead of his father. Rafael heard that you disagreed at first, but when Eduardo mentioned that secret he’s been hiding from both of you, you seemed to have agreed for that lunch. When he got his phone back, Rafael texted Liv to let her know lunch was cancelled. 

You were running late. You didn’t expect your son to call to go out for lunch. You jumped in the shower and dressed in a nice spring dress but small boots on and a jeans jacket. It’s simple and cute and you know Rafael loves it. You let your long and curly hair down, just like he loves it too. 

When he saw you walking in the restaurant, Rafael’s heart rate went over the roof. You were so beautiful. 15 years ago, he thought you were the most beautiful woman he ever saw. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed at all. He had to let you know that. 

“Mami is the most beautiful, right?” Rafael told his son before you were too close to hear. 

“Of course!” Edu exclaimed. He stood up and you and your son hugged for a moment. 

“How are you baby?” You asked. Rafael had stood up too, with a lack of confidence. In the job, he always knows what to do, what to say, but with you, right now, he’s so confused. He’s scared to do something he shouldn’t or not to do something he should. What does he have to lose anyway? You already broke up with him. 

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” he told you. You smiled and he smiled that you smiled. He took a step closer to you, put his hand in the small of your back and kissed you on the cheek. It was kinda awkward, it made Edu laugh. 

Once the three of you were settled and ordered food, you and Rafael couldn’t help but to look intensely at your son, waiting for him to tell you his secret. “You won’t forget about it, will you?” he said, taking a bite of his bread. Both of you shook your head no. 

“Fine,” he sighed. “I--I am-- in love,” he finally said. 

Rafael smiled when he heard that news. You didn’t. Not that you were unhappy about your 9 years old son being in love, but where did your baby boy go? He grew up so fast, you felt like crying over that thought. Rafael noticed that, and he knew exactly what was going through your mind - he had always been able to read you like an open book, except when you decided to break up with him. Under the table, he put his hand over yours and this time, you didn’t tell him off. He gently squeezed your hand, “Who is she? or he?” Rafael asked. 

“Her name is Elena, she’s new to the school. But-- I don't know much about her, she impresses me, I haven’t been able to talk to her,” Edu confessed, sadly. 

“That’s what love does. I wouldn’t have been able to talk to mami if she didn’t come first,” Rafael told his son, recalling the first time you two talked.

_ You and Rafael met through Lucia Barba. You were a young and new teacher at her school, she liked from the moment she met you and she helped you find your marks in your new job. Rafael stopped a few times at the school, after the students were gone. You wanted to be the best teacher the kids could have so you stayed late at nights to prepare your next day and the days after. He saw you, and he immediately noticed you. But instead of coming to talk to you, he asked about you to his mother. She spoke very fondly of you. You were 23, there was no way you could be interested in a 36 years old man. So, he watched you from afar every time he came. You were actually the reason he made the trip more regularly. And one day, you showed him he could be wrong about your non-interest.  _

_ “Hi,” you smiled at Rafael in the school’s hallway. “You’re Mrs Barba’s son, right?” you offered your hand, “I’m Y/N Y/L/N, new teacher to the 3rd graders,”  _

_ “Rafael Barba,” you shook your hand, “Nice to meet you,”  _

_ “Me too,” the school became silent. You don’t really know why you decided to talk to him out of nowhere. “Um--Your mother is in her office,”  _

_ “Thanks--I’m gonna go see her. It was nice finally meeting you, Y/N,” Rafael started to make a few steps backwards. He was walking away, you had to try something. _

_ “Maybe next time, you can stop by my office--I mean, if you-- Uh, nevermind,” you felt so awkward, your cheeks turned into tomatoes. You turned around to avoid his gaze and started to leave.  _

_ “I would love that,” you heard him say. You smiled but didn’t turn around. The next week, he showed up in your office, and offered you to join him for dinner.  _

“Does that mean I have to wait until Elena comes to talk to me?” Edu asked his father. 

“No carino. Just because it worked that way between me and Mami doesn’t mean it always works. Maybe you should try to introduce yourself to her. Since she’s new, let her know she can find a friend in you,” 

“I tried to talk to her but everytime, no words came out. I feel stupid, and I don’t want things to end like between you,” Rafael softly chuckled. 

“Mami and I are adults, we are married. Even if you date--” as soon as Rafael said those words, you looked at him with wide eyes. Her baby is about to date? That’s not possible. He still is a baby. “I think Mami is about to have a heart attack,” your husband smiled at Edu. 

“Mami, are you okay?”

“I--” you looked at your son, “You are in love? With a girl? You, my baby boy?” 

“I’m not a baby anymore!” 

“You’ll always be our baby, Eduardo Barba. Sorry about that,” Rafael told his son. 

Lunch went on with you three talking about that Elena girl. You were trying to process that information, and Rafael enjoyed it. Eduardo has always been a mama’s boy and he knew something like that would happen. You wished you had a baby girl so you could return the favor. You were waiting for desserts when Rafael’s phone buzzed. It was on the table, and you had time to see the name on the screen before Rafael grabbed it as fast as he could. You took a deep breath, you didn’t want to ruin that moment for Edu and to get into an argument in the middle of a restaurant. Rafael texted back that Olivia Benson and put his phone back in his pocket. Eduardo felt the awkwardness and he wanted to help. 

“Was it your friend from work, papi? Did you tell her we chose to go out with mami instead?”

It went from awkward to tense. You looked at Rafael with your angry look. “That’s not what you’re thinking, Y/N,” your husband said. 

“Tell me, I can’t wait to hear your excuses,”

“Mami, are you mad?” Edu asked. He thought he was helping, “It’s just a friend, papi told me!” 

“Eduardo, stay out of it, please,” you had your arms crossed over your chest, waiting for Rafael to explain himself. 

“I’m not doing this,  _ again _ . Especially not in a restaurant, in front of our son,” 

“Please, don’t fight,” you heard Edu pleading. 

The waitress came to your table with the desserts. You spend the rest of lunch in silence. Eduardo wanted to cry, Rafael wanted to explain you have nothing to worry about, and you were just exhausted. The biggest issue there’s between you and your husband is that you lost your trust in him when you found out about his flirting. And now, a little thing, probably innocent, take your jealousy and fears over the roof. You just can’t control it. 

While Rafael paid, you went outside with your son on your heels. “Mami, don’t be mad at papi. He didn’t do anything wrong,” 

“It’s not that simple, baby,” you told him, trying to hold back your tears. 

“Can we go back to before?” Edu asked, holding you.

“I wish,” you whispered, before kissing his hair.

“I’m walking you home and we’re going to have a serious conversation,” Rafael whispered in your ears, to make sure Edu wouldn’t hear. You didn’t fight and let him walk you and Edu home. 

The little boy tried to light the mood on the way. Neither you or Rafael wanted to worry him more than he already is, so you got into his light mood and talked about whatever the subject was. Once at home, Rafael asked your son to go in his room so you and him could talk. “Okay, but don’t fight! Please?” 

“Sure,” you both smiled at him. 

Rafael sat next to you on the couch. “Olivia is a coworker. She’s the lieutenant of the SVU squad, I work a lot with them. And she knows about you and Edu. I had to tell her after she walked on me while I was crying,” he stopped to take a deep breath, “She has a son and she offered to go out to make me and Edu think about something else, that’s  _ it _ . I promise, Y/N. You have nothing to worry about--”

“Just like I had nothing to worry about with that intern!” you kept your voice low but Rafael heard the anger in it. 

“You never forgave me about that. That’s the problem,” he realized.

“Damn right is it, Rafael. You broke my trust,” 

“Nothing happened between me and her! How many times do I have to tell you?” 

“That’s not what matters here. It’s just that-- you gave her an opportunity. You made her feel like she had a chance with you. You did with someone else, what you’re supposed to do with me. That hurts so bad,” you cried. 

“I’m so sorry,” Rafael didn’t care anymore, he softly grabbed you by your shoulders and held you close to his chest. “I never meant to hurt you, querida. I swear,” Rafael was crying too, “What can I do to make you forgive me?” 

“Not hiding things from me would be a start,” you managed to say.

“Do you want to meet Olivia, so you’ll know you don’t have to worry?”

“Yeah, how will you introduce me? Your wife but not so much since we broke up?”

“Y/N, I think there’s something that needs to be clear-- you’ll always be my wife. I’m not divorcing, not now, not ever,” he said, kissing your hair. “Even if that breakup becomes permanent, and that you meet someone else,” he paused, “Well,  _ especially _ if you meet someone else,” 

You hate how that idiot is able to make you smile. And he felt you smiling against his chest so he smiled too. Once you were able to stop crying, you got out of Rafael’s arms but you stayed very close to each other. His eyes moved from your eyes to your lips and your lips to your eyes. Yours did the same, until he leaned in and kissed you softly. You missed his kisses, his lips, the way he tastes, his tongue. You missed that intimacy. You felt his hand sliding on your neck while the other was on the small of your back. You ran your hands through his hair and the kiss could have gone further if Edu hadn’t gone out of his room. 

**Author's Note:**

> Really hope you enjoy it!   
> Don't forget to leave kudos and comments <3


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